[x]

ConfusionI slowly open my eyes
Unaware of last nights low
Then it hits me
Like a thousand knives

I lie in bed and begin to remember everything
Or was it a dream?
I check messages i sent last night
Nope,its the real deal
I'm scared
Confused
Alone

I get like this when someone i like
Knows i like them
Its an uncontrollable feeling
A defence mechanism
To stop me feeling pain from the rejection
Despite all the rejection I've experienced

I lie in bed and stare at the white ceiling
With music in my ears
My cheeks flush
I'm so ashamed

Do i apologise to him
Do i leave it?
I don't want him to think I'm weird
Or anything negative
I've he

ComplimentsThese compliments i receive
Mess me up inside
They confuse what i believe
The negativity cant hide

'Your beautiful'
No i'm not
Have you seen me?
i'm gross.
I'm fed up of getting these things said to me
I'm used to the negativity
Its almost like i miss it
its so messed up
I don't understand

I make progress
Then fall 10 steps back
Its a vicious cycle
Over and over again
Its beginning to bore me

I get my hopes up
All the time
In the end
Its always the same
Rejection
Failure
Loneliness

Depression changes people
Many for the worse
I've become someone different
Its hard to overcome
I push the ones i love away
It all ends up in pain

I just want

MockedI'm the girl who is always mocked for how i look
For how i dress
What music i listen to
My opinions
My faults
My everything

I sit in bed and cry
Not because of what they say hurts
Because it does
But because I'm not appreciated

I'm alone
Wondering down a path
Called life
I try my best
But nothing works
I don't eat because I'm "too fat"
I listen to my music loud to block all the words
Those words that will stick in my head
Make me cut again

I don't want that
I just want to be freed
I feel so trapped
I cant explain it

I begin to have feelings for someone
They aren't ever mutual
I sit and realise
Once again my hopes ar

insanityI’m hollow, I’m broken
I’m bleeding, I’m dead.
My mind keeps on spinning
Something’s wrong with my head

Insanity maybe? Or maybe it’s more
I’m hurting, I’m dying
My heart’s become sore

I’m laughing, I’m pleading
I’m asking for help
I’m screaming, I’m yelling
I’m starting to yelp

Can you hear me? Am I here?
Am I still alive?
Am I scared? Am I in fear?
Will I somehow survive?

Is there something inside me?
Ripping me apart?
Is there something wrong?
Something wrong with my heart?

Is it beating? Is it even there?
Is my mind running off?
Do you even care

True Love Never DiesHe's in love with her.
She was in love with him.
But he still does everything for her,
for he knows no other way.

He washes her clothes
so they're always clean,
and that way they always smell like her.

He pays for the rent and phone bills
every single month.
Even the bill for a phone
That she no longer uses
to even give him a call.

And he only cooks for one,
but he keeps her side of the bed open,
but it remains cold,
because she won't be coming home.
He knows that all too well.

She's never coming home again.
She went on a trip,
leaving all her stuff behind,
and she never returned.

So every night before he goes to sleep,

DifficultEven today I remember how I came to be part of I am today, it all had begun long ago when I was still little. The exact age I can't remember, but the feeling had behind everything. I was young, very young and I loved watching TV, sometimes when I would see pretty girls I would stare at them, it was confusing to me. I thought it was wrong for me, a girl to be watching those pretty girls or beautiful they were. I always tried to forget, to try and never look at them, but I never could, I would think. "It's okay, you are just watching them because it's different, doesn't make you lesbian." Time passed and I always tried ignoring the fact that I

breezeSitting under shady trees
A breeze is blowing
Slightly.
Following your footsteps
And hearing your voice.
Darling,
I am closer than ever
They won't let me near
I love you I love you
But we fear more than fear.

The Selfish CreationLife threatens existence.
What a funny thought.
It just came into focus a second ago.
Now, what does that mean?
Here's another:
Love is the most selfish creation.
Who's the one that told me:
"Say I love you, you better be ready for pain."
Who said that?
They were wise.
But living, the quest in itself, means pain.
It is love, love-lost, life, death, and the beginning as well as the end.
2:16
4:12
9:6
Dominance.
Obedience.
One who divides them all…
The Conqueror.
Number Twelve.
The First, and the Last.

I had another nightmare…

Tick tickHe could hardly breathe
But his heart was still beating
A broken rhythm
A Phsycotic tempo
Beat
Beat
Beat
Beat....

He didn't know the time
But he still heard the seconds go by
Swirling around him
Something was saying
His time was over
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tick...

He didn't have wings
But he was flying away
I couldn't catch him
The wind carried him away
From me
His hands
Were cold and bloody
Drip
Drip
Drip
Drip.....

And h

Story of my lifeThis is the story of my life
It is tragic
It ends so fast
It started in trouble
Went on
Went black
Went darker
Just wish I could carry on
It will end upside down
With me on the ground
The tears in my face
Fallen from grace
A knife, so cold
Me, so left alone
Blood, running away
I wish I would have strength to stay
Goodbye, Wish you well
I hope you laughed when I fell
Goodnight, have sweet dreams
This was the story of my life how it seems

Tick Tock DearieTick tock,
Tick tock,
Goes the clock on the wall.

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
Urging me to fall.

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
It says it's my time to die.

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
Hello Suicide.

To My Unborn ChildFear that's all I know the fear that someone finds out who I am.
That I'm Gay.
My parents, family, and friends are homophobic they would hate me if they found out.
My dad would beat me.
I know because I saw the video before I was born he said to my mother's womb. "To my Unborn Child if you're gay I'll beat you till you die." My mother smiling and nodding as if silently saying that if I was gay she would not care if I died.
I'm 16 years old in 2 years I'll be free to leave this place and go to a place where I'm free to be me.
Where I can love whoever I want and when I find my one true love I'll even adopt a child.
To My Unborn Child

Denial and AcceptanceI was scared - terrified - of the truth. I did not want to be the outcast. I was afraid of what was to come. I could not be different. It wasn't a simple denial - it was my fact. Not just emotions getting in the way - it was everything to me; meant everything to me.

Everytime i caught myself watching - staring, even - i would punish myself. I felt dirty and defiled. I felt there simply had to be something wrong with me. And something must be done about it.

I felt it was a choice. Maybe i was desperate. A choice of the mind to get rid of the helpless desperation. But how could i let it get to that point? Was i really so out of control of my

Don't give up on MEDon’t give up on ME

Your eyes are filled with sympathy
Sadness for not seeing what you once adored
Sorry I disappoint you
I do not mean to

I died along the way
I languish in the inability to make things right
Unable to control my destructive circumstances emasculates me
I guess I am floundering in self pity

Once My belief structures were shattered
I became subject to most any outcome
Whatever is?Is Whatever Will Be
I can not distinguish anything

I am usually not a fatalist
I am the most positive thinking person I know
My shinny outlook is now fading
What is the purpose of this life’s travesty?

I miss you my beloved:

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Submitted: January 12
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Goodbye

by ~Zoey113, Jan 12, 2013, 3:16:22 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

This feeling
Over runs my body
Shuts everything down
All i think about is you

I discover the truth
So painful
So much emotion
A little too much to be able to deal with

Getting to know you was a big thing
Gaining the crush was another
You changed my whole way of thinking
You seemed like 'the one'
You were kind
Funny
So nice to me
You had this charm i couldn't understand

But then i had this feeling
Something wasn't right
That moment i found out
You had a girlfriend
Seemed to stop everything
My world just fell around me
stood still

All i could do was stare into the distance
As tears began to flood my eyes
'Not here
Not now
Wait Zoe
Wait!'
I recall what i told myself
wait untill ill i was alone to dwell on my feelings

It got to that point later on
I sat down
And there we have it
Everything opened up
Like a dam
The tears flooded down my face
It was never ending
I felt so much for you
And you didn't with me
Story of my life

I later realised
He had his girlfriend all along
He never told me
Even though on two accounts i told him how i felt
The real deep stuff

And he kinda ignored it
It made me think
Why?

When i see him around i get this feeling
Pain inside me
I begin to well up
Realise
I never had a chance
As we pass each other
I bow my head in shame as you casually ignore me

I feel stupid
Angry i let myself get like this
Why do this to myself?
Fall so deep into the trap of "love" that i cant escape?

I cant stop myself
I feel sick to the stomach
I changed for you
I've abused myself for you to notice
What for?
Nothing..
It just proves you shouldn't change yourself for anyone

Now i'm on this road of recovery
From my feelings of you....

Goodbyeby ~Zoey113

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

So this is a little something I just wrote, I'm kinda going through a tough time atm and I needed to express myself.this poem isn't very good but yeah I've not really had much creative ness recently.. So yeah