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My smileMy smile was once so easy,
a thing of joy and pride,
but over these years of darkness,
the ease has slowly died.

I find it's no longer truth,
but simply a lying mask.
It hides away the misery,
the hauntings of my past.

I refuse to look at pictures.
I see what others ignore.
The uneasiness of my smile.
How it has turned into a chore.

Will I ever truly smile,
with joy, pride, and truth,
or will I never know a smile?
Will it die with the rest of my youth?

Please, i wish to laugh,
to smile without a care,
but I'm not good enough for this,
and I guess that is fair.
Butterfly ScreamsIt's fun,
Isn't it?
Hurting me?
Killing me?
Watching me bleed?

Mocking me?
Striking me?
Ignoring my needs?

Destroying who I am,
And all I'll ever be.

But you wouldn't stop,
That I can see.

The butterflies in my stomach,
Scream as the hurtful words
Pin them to corkboard.
I'll cut myself,
And bleed.
I'm gonna lay down,
And hear the butterflies scream.

"Don't even worry."
"I'm perfectly fine."
Words are sandpaper,
And a couple of lies.

So while I'm here,
Down on the floor;
Do your worst,
Your worst and more.

So I'll lay down,
And bleed.
Even when I'm gone,
The butterflies will still scream.
The Prophets of Impending DoomI'm fighting and hitting,
Something that isn't there.

It has to be!
It's pulling my hair!

Oh wait,
That's me.

Oh no!
Is it true?
How could this be?

I talk to my reflection,
Because my reflection talks back.

My reflection is mean,
It says I'm ugly and fat.

I talk to my reflection,
And I'm never again the same.

Oh no!
Is it true?
Does this mean I'm insane?

People say they hate me,
They wish I was dead.

Everywhere I go,
It's "off with her head!!"

They locked me in this place,
This terrible hellhole of mine.

What they said came true,
I really lost my mind.
Lo, How She Lie, Still and BrokenI'm trying so hard to get better,
So hard to be strong.
I'm trying so hard to keep smiling,
So hard to go on.
But I'm getting tired,
This happiness drains me.
The walls are closing in,
It's getting hard to breath.
My conciousness,
Goes in and out.
The room goes black and white.
I can't take much more of this,
I think I've lost my sight.

Moral of the story:

You can't do it all,
Because no matter what you say or do,
Even the mighty fall.
MockedI'm the girl who is always mocked for how i look
For how i dress
What music i listen to
My opinions
My faults
My everything

I sit in bed and cry
Not because of what they say hurts
Because it does
But because I'm not appreciated

I'm alone
Wondering down a path
Called life
I try my best
But nothing works
I don't eat because I'm "too fat"
I listen to my music loud to block all the words
Those words that will stick in my head
Make me cut again

I don't want that
I just want to be freed
I feel so trapped
I cant explain it

I begin to have feelings for someone
They aren't ever mutual
I sit and realise
Once again my hopes ar
Sweetest DoomWhen she's staring into space,
She is in her own place.
There she's safe,
Not even her best friend knows the depth of the troubles,
Every day she will face.
Can't erase any trace of the pain from her face.
She's got cuts on her wrists,
Got a list of every kiss
She will kiss.
Then she'll jump off that cliff.
Suicide,
No more lies.
Love in her heart,
Heart in her sleeve,
The very shirt she gave to me.
Peaceful dreams she dreams of the day,
She'll be free.
Ghosts still haunt her,
From her past.
They're still there,
And they won't go back.
She's made up her mind,
She closes her eyes,
And falls.
The MonsterI can't trust;
I can't love you.
The monster,
It's overpowering.
I'm not strong enough;
It has invaded me.
Every organ,
Every cell,
Every molecule,
Has been destroyed,
And taken over by something that isn't human.

It has to be something else;
It has to.
I wouldn't cut myself.
I wouldn't hate myself,
Or starve myself,
Or lose myself in a sea of hatred,
Of bloodlust,
And sorrow.
     Would I?
Cure.Stay with me
Tell me when I say to much
Kiss me in the moon light
where it shines so bright

My heart is yours!!
Set me free!!

Time to shout the song's of the fire works boom
The Beauty of the sight Partying all night
With you by my side we can do anything

Stay with me forever!!
Shout our love together!!

I'll Love you forever.
Your soul is like a fire burning I'm the water oh so healing
Melting my hearts icy core Tell me you love me more!!!
You're my only cure!!

Stay with me
Tell me when I say to much
Kiss me in the moon light
where it shines so bright

Shine for me midnight star!!
The snow falls in the forest of light wolves call
prote
I Will Trust In YouForgive me, Father,
For I have sinned.
Where I am is horrible.
What a dreadful mess I'm in.
I'm a sinful, wretched thing.
I'm on the floor,
With nothing.
I've forgotten what you made me, Lord;
Please help me find her again.
I really, truly need her, Lord;
She was my only friend.
Oh Heavenly Father,
I'm down here on my knees.
I'm begging,
And crying.
Lord, I'm praying,
Please.
Take my sin away from me.
I want to live,
For you only.
I've let you in my heart,
So one day we WILL meet.
I promise to you, Lord,
I'll only ask you to guide my footsteps,
If I move my feet.
Coming Apart at the SeamsAgain my arms have paid the price,
For the pathetic thing,
I call my life.
Cuts up and down,
Decorating my arm,
Keeping me safe,
From emotional harm.
Guarding my soul,
All through the night.
Showing that there is darkness,
Even in light.
So no matter how much I try,
To just go past,
The scars on my arms will always last.
They'll line up,
With the ones in my heart,
Until the day,
I finally fall apart.
You Saved MeAnother step closer,
A toe off of the edge.
I think of stepping over,
Falling to my death.
I know it's not right,
But it's what I feel.
I just can't help it,
Only it's real.
What do you do when you've lost everything?
Find solisce in drugs?
A release for the pain?
A burning ache,
A foreign fever.
A cataclysm of hate,
That tips the meter.
But I step back,
Admire the view,
Pull myself together,
Then think of you.
ClaireClear away the mistakes I've made.
Love me for who I am.
Accept me because
I am only me.
Remember all the times I've been there,
Even when I didn't want to be.

                             Love me.
Two-FaceSuch a pretty smile,
    Who'd you steal it from?
Such beautiful eyes,
     Who's missing them?
Such elegant cheekbones,
     Whose skeleton did you copy?
Such a petite nose,
     Whose was it before?

So, pare you the politician,
Or the prep?
The genius,
Or the gullible?
The skeptic,
Or the stupid?
The jock,
Or the joker?
What face are you hiding behind?
Whose eyes am I looking into?
I want to see your eyes,
YOUR smile,
YOUR face,
I don't want Two-Face.

    I want you.
My GhostOn a gruesome Halloween night,
I encountered a little boy.
"Miss!" He cried.
"Oh miss!
You seem to have dropped your toy."
In his hand,
He held a dagger.
In surprise,
I cried,
"Not mine!"

"But look," he said.
"Look here.
This is the grand design."

My name was there,
In blood red letters,
The pattern elegant and neat.
With a sigh and splash,
The boy was a puddle at my feet.

As I gazed into the water,
I thought I saw an eye.
But with a blink of mine,
It was gone.
I feared the hallucination,
So I just moved on.

But as I turned around,
And went to walk away,
I could swear that a heard,
A little boy's voice say,

"You can run, Claire,
The Abdication of the ThroneCalling my name,
Screaming for me to run towards you.
But I can't,
I won't,
What should I do?

I want to run,
But is it right?
Should I stay?
Should I fight?

All my dreams,
My childish fears,
They live in my mind,
And escape through my tears.

I can't hold on,
I just want to fall.
I want run,
And escape over the wall.

I'm gonna let go;
I'm gonna fall down.
I have lost hope,
And deserted my crown.
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Compliments

:iconzoey113:

These compliments i receive
Mess me up inside
They confuse what i believe
The negativity cant hide

'Your beautiful'
No i'm not
Have you seen me?
i'm gross.
I'm fed up of getting these things said to me
I'm used to the negativity
Its almost like i miss it
its so messed up
I don't understand

I make progress
Then fall 10 steps back
Its a vicious cycle
Over and over again
Its beginning to bore me

I get my hopes up
All the time
In the end
Its always the same
Rejection
Failure
Loneliness

Depression changes people
Many for the worse
I've become someone different
Its hard to overcome
I push the ones i love away
It all ends up in pain

I just want to be me again
The one who didn't acknowledge the depression
Because now i feel its overrun me..

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:iconzoey113:

Complimentsby ~Zoey113

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Just yeah.. Venting again
©2013 ~Zoey113
Category: Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

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February 24
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:icondannyfields:
~DannyFields Mar 8, 2013  Student Artist
Gotta' break those cycles. When you see it happening, do something to change it. The human soul is choc full of perseverance.

Personally, I like the line "its beginning to bore me" because that signifies a want for change. =)
Reply
:iconzoey113:
~Zoey113 Mar 14, 2013
yes im trying to break the cycles.. im going through a rough bit again but im gunna try gert back to the doctors see what else i can do because my tablets have stopped working
Reply
:icondeadskarlett:
~DeadSkarlett Feb 27, 2013
:huggle: good work
Reply
:iconzoey113:
~Zoey113 Feb 28, 2013
thank you :hug:
Reply
:icondeadskarlett:
~DeadSkarlett Feb 28, 2013
yw
Reply
:iconmandymullins2:
Mood: Love *MandyMullins2 Feb 24, 2013
I've been like this....in fact I'm just now climbing out of this. The negativity is a lie, and it's probably been brought about from years of being verbally beaten down by people. Other people's voices burrow themselves into your head until you start believing what they say, and repeating it to yourself over and over again.

Granted, for me it's not gotten so bad to where I want to cut myself or kill myself. However, I have been battling these negative thoughts for years and years. I'm trying to replace all the "I can'ts" to "I cans"...and the negative with the positive. I know it won't happen overnight and I might relapse a few times.....but I'm determined to believe I can do it.

And I believe you can do it too. I believe in you :heart:.
Reply
:iconzoey113:
~Zoey113 Feb 25, 2013
Awh,hunny.. I go through low stages and all the shit from my past comes back to me:( everything will be okay when I'm better <3
Reply
:iconmandymullins2:
*MandyMullins2 Feb 25, 2013
Okay :huggle:
Reply
:iconwafflegamer:
Mood: Noble ~WaffleGamer Feb 24, 2013  New member Student Writer
a very beautiful piece, very touching, i can feel your soul in it, and the emotions that went into creating it, i thank you for sharing this with all of us here on deviant art
Reply
:iconzoey113:
~Zoey113 Feb 25, 2013
Thank you, it's what I do to express myself. :)
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